ESSENTIAL OILS ARE FOR TREE-HUGGING HIPPIES
Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for cruising around bra-less, no make-up, in a tie-dyed hemp dress if the occasion calls (e.g. me in Bali), but I draw the line at essential oils.
Essential oils are for hippies.
Why would I use something in/on/around my body that detoxifies, strengthens my immune system, relaxes and restores my body’s natural function without any nasty side effects… when there’s perfectly good synthetically-produced pharmaceuticals on the market?
I mean, that’s just ludicrous. WHY would I do that?
Why would I mix lemon + tea tree + water to disinfect my house, when I could buy Windex for $5? My toddler loves the taste of ingesting that shit as she makes-out with herself in my mirrors. I couldn’t deny her that.
Why would I rub lemongrass + eucalyptus + coconut to fend off mozzies, when I could choke myself spraying Bushman’s? Choking is so much fun.
Why would I use grapefruit + ginger + cinnamon to boost my metabolism and reduce cellulite? I like my hail damage just fine, I’m trying to be fat. So leave me the f*** alone alright?!
Wild orange to manage morning sickness? Nope, not me. I love nausea and vomiting.
Coconut + beeswax + lavender + tea tree rather than applying aluminum direct to my open pores? Have you read what that does? I definitely want that…
And as for frankincense treating age spots – are you kidding? It’s the highest form of flattery when strangers ask if my mum and I are twins. The. Highest.
Why would I do any of those things, you crazy bunch of drug-smoking hippies.
Peace out man x